


No- it's not like that.

by thatdragonchic



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: A lot - Freeform, Angst, Angst With A Side of Angst, Budding Romance, Canon Divergent, He succeeds, I guess you could say there's a happy ending, I mean okay, I wrote it at 2 in the morning, Light Angst, M/M, Philip is mad, Philkas - Freeform, SO, Sort of? - Freeform, Teen Angst, Well this is a thing, after 1x02, also, and eating rice, and you guessed it, but does it really qualify, but that's okay, especially when you're watching gilmore girls, it's a good time, it's all pretty lit, nothing is clear at 2 in the morning, philip kisses other boys, philip likes Lukas, philip tries to make lukas jealous, the time line is a little unclear in this, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 09:36:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8528071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatdragonchic/pseuds/thatdragonchic
Summary: “So really- who’s the blonde guy. He looks like he might explode, and his eyes haven’t left you. Boyfriend?”	“Future Potential boyfriend but we’re working out some kinks. Motocross superstar, rich daddy, mom died when he was at an unspecified age. So deep in the closet he might as well be living in Narnia.”	“But he’s here with you.”	“Earlier today he made out with me, told me he was ‘not that guy’ then tried to fuck me.”--Or after the fight in 102 (103?) things happen a little differently





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm philkas trash now and I'm sorry if you're reading this. It's not my worse though and the arguing banter is actually really hilarious. It's great. I'm not including this in my Philkas series though ( "Sometimes he was Quiet." ) But the second installment to that will come probably today too oops

_ And you think you know everything because your mom’s a druggie.  _

  


Philip sits on the floor of his new bedroom and stares at the wall for a long time. It was him and the wall, talking with no words. He wants to run and he wants to run far. It was so much more than his mom using drugs. He hated the way Lukas grabbed his hips like the guys who used to pay him for blows. How hostile it was- Lukas wasn’t supposed to be like them. It was betrayal of basic trust. He knew so much more than drugs- what it was to starve, what it was to pay for speaking up to somebody richer. He knew what it meant to be abused- by everyone around him. Lukas was no different. He was a spoiled rich kid who felt like it was right to hit him. To use him. Like he was his bitch.

_ I’m not your little bitch. That’s what rose is for. _

He wants to run. He wants to hide. He wants to scream. He throws his head in his arms, flinging his body forward and screams. He does it. He screams. As loud as he can. As soulful as he could. He means every ounce of noise. He screams with all his heart, from the pit of his stomach, hoping the pain would go away. And he screams again. And again. And again. Until screams turn into Sobs and he’s crying instead of screaming. 

Lukas was meant to be different. He was supposed to choose him. Kiss him like he loved him, worship his body like there was no other body he ever wanted to see and Lukas betrayed it. He betrayed what Philip thought they had- or might have had. He publicly humiliated him. Punched him in front of a bunch of their peers. Then went out of his way to rip his shirt up, yank his pants down- like he was some bitch. A worthless, good for nothing, kid of a druggie, only meant for an hours pay- 150 for the blow and take it down his throat like a good boy, swallow for an extra twenty, moan before he cums because it feels better. That’s what it was, between him and every other guy. Maybe he should start charging Lukas for touching him. For thinking of him. 

He sobs into his arms, and he feels so weak. He hates him. He hates him. He loves him. He loves him to fucking pieces and he hates that. It’s not fair… to love somebody who only sees them as a toy. A doll. He’s a wreck and he just wants to hide forever. He wants to be with his a crush mother, safe in her arms. He can’t imagine what she’s doing, how she’s faring. If she’s getting better he wants to see her. If… If he could just… see one of his friends. Go back home to see his  _ friends.  _ To see Maya, or Stephen… he liked Stephen. He remembered liking Stephen. He had soft hands and gentle eyes, hands that held his waist so comfortably, kissed his neck like heaven when they danced at the club some nights. He never ground too hard. He never even kissed his lips.

But what he felt was Stephen was never like what he felt with Lukas. It wasn’t the same… It was so different. Love was painful, and slow and destructive. It made you cry. It made you hurt. He gets up, he grabs his jacket, he runs downstairs. He can hear Helen and Gabe in the room, they were talking, they were kissing- they were probably curled into each other and he  _ hated that.  _ Hated that they had each other and could curl into each other, when he was always treated like shit. When nobody would ever curl up with him, he was never the one somebody wanted. He was messed up. He was the druggies kid. 

He makes it out the back door and runs. Runs to the bus stop and leans against it, shaking hands picking up his cell phone. He looks to Lukas’ name, he thinks about calling him, thinks about telling him how much he hates him, tell him again how he’s not his bitch- but he doesn’t. He goes to the contact button and types in  _ stephen.  _

“Philip? Hey why haven’t you texted me back these past couple days-”

“Hey- Hey… A lot has been happening. Just… think you can spare me some time and meet me at The Club, you know downtown?”

“Can you even make it?”

“Yes, the Bus is on it’s way. I’ll be there in thirty… forty the most.”

“Okay, I’ll meet you there.”

“I might be underdressed.”

“I’ll bring Maya.”

“Tell her to bring somebody- I want it to be just us. She can join the after party,” he suggests coyly, smirking to himself. 

“It’s a done deal shea…” he whispers back. And Philip feels a bit better inside, part of him wanting to kiss Stephen until he was numb, have his body pressed to his, up against a wall. Lap dances, until they were numb with sweet release. But also, he just wanted to drink and talk. Wanted to get wasted. Laugh until he couldn’t breathe. Maybe he’d do both. He wanted to be reckless. He-

“Philip?” A voice asks and he practically jumps from his skin, turning to see Lukas on his bicycle. “Philip what are you doing?”

Philip ignores him.

“Philip-”

“I don’t owe you shit.”

“Where are you going? Why are you here?”

“What did you come looking for me or something?”

“Where are you going?”

“None of your damn business.”

“Philip-”

The bus pulls up and Philip pulls out his wallet, climbing into the bus and Lukas grabs him. “Let me go!”

“Where are you going?”

“To see somebody who isn’t ashamed to be with me.”

“I- I’m not ashamed-!”

“I have a bus to catch.”

“I’m not done talking to you.”

“You had your chance. You chose- you didn’t choose me. Okay? Now let me go.”

Philip yanks his arm from Lukas’ clutches and climbs into the bus, Lukas stubbornly follows. Both pay for their tickets and file to seats on separate seats. They sit in utter silence, but Lukas glances over, only to see that Philips eyes are longing and distant, looking out the window, until his phone lights up and his eyes gleam with joy. Lukas wishes he could see those eyes lighten up for him again- he messed up big time and he knows it. 

“Philip-”

“Hello?” He asks, closing out one ear to hear the person on the other end of his phone. “Jeez  _ I’m coming okay?  _ I’ll be there soon. I promise. Who are you bringing? What- No! I used to suck him for cash in the back lot of the school- okay absolutely not Maya! Bring the cute one with the short ish hair. The one you sent me pics of? Mmm… or her. Bring Carol. I like Carol. Maybe I’ll have a threesome. Uhm I have too gone that far, how would you know? Okay but besides… Carol wouldn’t be part of it because I’m gay as fucking hell-” he says coolly, in an exaggerated whisper, a small smile on his lips. 

Lukas hates it. Lukas hates it with every ounce of his being. How could he? Who was he meeting? Who was on the other end of that line? 

“Listen, you put your cute little body in a dress and I’ll be there-” he glances at the clock on the bus. “T minus twenty-five.” 

He hangs up. “So you already moved on?”

“Who said you weren’t the rebound?”

“Six weeks. It’s been six weeks- when did you plan on-”

“I might have been the kid of a homeless woman and a druggie, that doesn’t mean i didn’t have a life. People wanted to be around me.”

“I-”

“You’re ashamed of me. You shun me in front of your friends, I talk to you and you punch me. Because I’m the homeless foster kid. Because I’m- I’m not like you.”

Lukas pushed himself forward, kissing Philip and Philip kissed back before pushing him off. “I’m-”

“Not my bitch.”

“Then stop acting like you own me. I’m going clubbing and I’m going to have the best time. So maybe you can wait outside.” 

“Who are you going with?”

“My friends. Everyone I left behind.”

“Get wasted-?”

“Like a druggie. Like my mom. Right? And daddy wouldn’t approve if his baby boy was in a gay club, grinding another man. Would he?”

“Fuck you!”

“Please I’m begging. Up my ass and  _ hard. _ ”

“Stop! What’s your problem?”

“You. You’re my problem.”

“I- Because of what I said earlier?”

“Pay me ten cents every time you open your mouth because everytime you say something stupid.” 

“I do  _ not.” _

“Listen I’m going to have fun and I’m not going to think about murder and i’m not going to think about my mom and I’m definitely not thinking about you or how it feels to kiss you or any of that… bullshit. All of that bullshit. You’re bullshit. You think you have me stuck in your hook-” and he does. “-but I am not… I’m not some lovestruck idiot. I don’t trip myself over for somebody who would pay me to handle me the way you do.”

“So you’d rather get paid for sex than actually be with somebody?”

“I would rather get paid then stepped on. At least I know what I’m walking into. Now look, we’re in brooklyn and our stop is in ten minutes. Do  I get ten minutes of silence or-”

“I’m not letting it end this way.”

“Nobody said this was over. I’m just going out to have a good time. Or is daddy here going to stop me?”

“Stop calling me that- stop saying that! What are you on?”

“My bitter, cold, heart, hyped on black coffee and settled on the pounding headache and terrifying flashback of every moment of my life with some Advil/Bayer cocktail. Druggie, like my mom. That means I know everything.”

“Can you stop! I didn’t mean it!”

“Sure you didn’t.”

“I didn’t, Philip please.”

“Can’t you just let me have this? And since you’re so set on shaming me, I’m shaming you. Avoid my friends. Avoid the girls. Avoid the boys. Avoid me. As of tonight I don’t know you… If you really want to make it up to me, talk to me when I’m a little less angry and heart broken.”

“I didn’t mean to break your heart.”

“Manhattan stop!” The driver yells and Philip pushes Lukas off, hops to his feet and rushes off the bus, Stephen waiting at the stop and Philip rushes into his arms, hugging him tight. There wasn’t nearly as much relief as he wanted not like when-

“You’re so much better looking. You’re clean.”

“And well fed.”

“Who’s the blonde?”

“Blonde? Oh he’s… a tag along. But he’s not with me… not with us,” Philip whispers coyly leaning up to the other boy who stole a kiss. (how infuriating. Not with  _ them. _ Lukas hated it.) 

Stephen nodded and Philip let him take the lead, the two already in invigorating conversation. Catching up. A few girls met them, and one engulfed Philip in a hug. Philip could practically lift her from how much taller he was. 

And it seemed like in a flash that they were flashing fake ID’s at a gay club. Lukas was angry, he didn’t want to be there but he wasn’t invited. This wasn’t something Philip did for him. And he tugged off that other guy to the dancefloor. And he was having  _ fun.  _ They were dancing and they were kissing. Their lips moved so effortlessly, their bodies bobbed with the music so carelessly. Drinks were passed around and he was downing a shot so easily, being kissed so easily. Their hands were all over each other- it was disgusting. It was infuriating. Who was this guy, anyways? And how could he just intrude Philips space like that?

But the look in Philip's eyes said he more than like it. Maybe the hope was drunk, maybe he was just dancing with this other guy with drunk hopes. He was trying to make him jealous. He was- he wasn’t being real. He wasn’t really mad. Was he? He couldn’t be.

Philip wasn’t thinking about it though, he had a soft pair of lips on his neck and firm hands on his hips. It was so nice to be anchored, just this once. “Mm kiss there again,” he whispers, pulling the boys head back to the one spot on his neck, where it was soft and the pleasure shot through his veins. Stephen placed his lips there again, giving it the utmost of his attention until Philip brought him up to kiss, arms dangling loose around him. They were dancing, they were having fun. He didn’t owe anything to anyone.

“So really- who’s the blonde guy. He looks like he might explode, and his eyes haven’t left you. Boyfriend?”

“Future Potential boyfriend but we’re working out some kinks. Motocross superstar, rich daddy, mom died when he was at an unspecified age. So deep in the closet he might as well be living in Narnia.”

“But he’s here with you.”

“Earlier today he made out with me, told me he was ‘not that guy’ then tried to fuck me.”

“Yikes. Really?”

“Really. I’m fucking whipped though. Look at him- he’s so pretty!”

“And…”

“And charming and nice and looks sexy as hell riding his bike.”

Stephen laughed and Philip kissed his neck as his head tilted back. “So you’re into a confused pretty boy.”

“Who’s very frustrating and a little violent.”

“He hits you?”

“What- No it’s not like that. He’s not like those guys. He just.... We might have gotten into a fist fight at school because he didn’t want to be seen with me. Like I said… confused, pretty rich boy.” He says the last part with a sort of pout, lips sort of pursed and Stephen kisses him soft. Philip doesn’t stop him. 

“Let’s get some drinks.”

“I can agree to that.” 

Stephen drops the conversation about Lukas, Philip heading to the Bar with Stephen and grabbing some drinks. He doesn’t even notice that Lukas left and took the bus home. He doesn’t text him. Not later that night. Not the next morning. Doesn’t look at him at school. Doesn’t say anything until Lukas confront him. 

“What was that?”

“What?”

“The other night.”

“Me having a good time. Are you jealous?” he asks casually, watching him. 

“Okay so you’re still mad.”

“I might be. I might not be.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you’re still standing here, asking me if I’m mad at you, like you really care.”

“I do care. I care about you.”

“I guess if you didn’t, you wouldn’t have saved me.”

“I… I guess not.”

So Lukas was never really good with words, but here they were, beside each other in class. He just wants to talk. He wants to hear philips voice because he hasn’t in such a long time- so maybe a day or two. But he missed it. Missed seeing Philips name on his phone screen. 

“I’m not jealous,” he says suddenly. 

“What?”

“Why would I be jealous?”

“I think you’ve cursed Stephen to the ends of hell with your staring.”

“I’m not jealous.”

“You wished it was you.”

He had that coy look on his face, that coined smirk of his, the slight tilt of his lips, the dangerous look in his eyes. Lukas did wish it was him. He wished more than ever that it was. That he was the one grinding on him, that all of this madness and all of this chaos, all of this death would stop. But he doesn’t say anything. He sits in silence.

And Philip rolls his eyes and looks away. He knew Lukas, he knew how this was. It was a tug and pull, take and take until they were broken, only to give back the softness they yearned for. Lukas wasn’t mad. Lukas wished it was him. Just like he wished he was Rose. 


End file.
